Narcissism: from normal development to borderline narcissistic disorder

Are you tired of articles with sensational headlines such as: "How to recognise that we are in a relationship with a narcissist?", "The narcissistic personality – its impact on those around them", "Symptoms of the narcissistic personality", and all manner of texts that leave you feeling as though every other person has narcissistic personality disorder?

Narcissism is, in fact, a natural part of human development, because we all need a sense of self-worth, confidence, and recognition. As Sigmund Freud noted, narcissism forms the foundation of early psychological development – a phase in which the libido (the energy associated with the drive towards intimacy and creativity) is directed towards the self, before interest in other people develops (Freud, 1914).

Sometimes, however, this phase becomes distorted and leads to fragile self-esteem, dependence on external validation, and difficulties in relationships. Distinguishing between normal and pathological narcissism is important both for psychotherapy and for personal development.

What is narcissism?

Psychoanalysts such as S. Freud and M. Klein describe the early childhood narcissistic phase as a natural and adaptive stage of development, characterised by:

• Focus on the self: The infant derives pleasure from its own actions and sensations – sucking, movement, first attempts at independence. This is a stage in which the child experiences itself as whole, before distinguishing itself from the other (Klein, 1932).

• Formation of the primary Self: This phase lays the foundations of self-respect and psychological integrity, creating a stable framework for the later construction of identity (the set of personal characteristics, social roles, and values that shape how a person understands themselves and positions themselves within society).

• Object relations: Gradually, the child begins to distinguish itself from significant others (objects). Early relationships (object relations) shape its capacity to build a stable sense of self-worth and autonomy. Margaret Mahler emphasises the importance of the separation–individuation process, through which the child develops an autonomous identity while maintaining a secure bond with the mother as a supportive object (Mahler, 1975).

This phase is necessary and adaptive – it provides psychological stability and prepares the individual for realistic relationships in later life.

The role of early childhood development

Heinz Kohut expands the understanding of narcissism by viewing it not as egocentricity, but as a key stage in the construction of a stable and adaptive Self. According to him, narcissism is foundational to mental health, because through specific relationships the child builds a sense of worth and wholeness (Kohut, 1971).

He describes two primary mechanisms:

1. Mirroring interaction

• The child needs significant others to reflect its achievements and abilities.

• Adequate "mirroring" includes recognition and positive feedback.

• In the absence of such reflection, a fragile Self is formed that constantly seeks external confirmation (Kohut, 1977).

Through mirroring interaction, self-respect and inner stability are built.

2. Idealisation of the object

• The child idealises significant figures and experiences them as strong and capable of protecting it.

• Through this process, a sense of security and support is formed.

• Over time, these qualities are integrated into the Self as inner resources.

Adequate idealisation supports the development of resilience, empathy, and the capacity for mutuality.

How the sense of self-worth is formed

When the needs for mirroring interaction and idealisation are met, a cohesive, stable Self is formed. It:

• Maintains realistic empathy.

• Allows for easier adaptation in social interactions.

• Provides inner confidence without dependence on constant external approval.

Kohut emphasises that narcissistic energy in childhood is a resource, not a pathology. In a sufficiently supportive environment it is transformed into stable self-esteem and healthy relationships; in its absence, a fragile Self and pathological forms of narcissistic functioning emerge (Kohut, 1977).

Why is healthy narcissism important for mental health?

Having examined the need for a supportive environment as the foundation of healthy narcissism, it is now time to distinguish it from pathological forms of narcissistic functioning.

Otto Kernberg describes pathological narcissism as a condition in which the mechanisms that sustain the Self become distorted and lead to personality difficulties (Kernberg, 1975). Instead of stable self-esteem and healthy relationships, chronic conflicts, emotional instability, and difficulties with intimacy are observed.

Key characteristics:

• Fragile, dependent self-esteem
  Self-worth depends on external attention and admiration. A lack of recognition can trigger intense anxiety, anger, or a sense of emptiness.

• Splitting
  Others are perceived as either "entirely good" or "entirely bad". This black-and-white perspective leads to unstable relationships and frequent disappointments.

• Idealisation and devaluation
  There is a rapid shift from idealisation to belittling, particularly in response to frustration (tension and dissatisfaction). This mechanism protects the vulnerable Self.

• Limited empathy
  Others are often experienced as a means of maintaining one's own sense of worth, which impedes mutuality and deepens interpersonal conflicts.

Kernberg emphasises that this is not a matter of "bad character", but a structural organisation of the personality that requires specific therapeutic work – integration of the split images of self and others, and the building of more realistic relationships.

How to recognise pathological narcissism?

• a strong need for admiration;

• sensitivity to criticism;

• a sense of superiority;

• difficulties in close relationships;

• idealisation and devaluation;

• low tolerance for disappointment.

Psychotherapy for narcissism and narcissistic functioning

Psychotherapy provides a space for:

• Building a more stable Self – developing inner supports, autonomy, and sustainable self-respect.

• Awareness and management of defence mechanisms – overcoming splitting and polarised perceptions.

• Developing empathy and mutuality – a more realistic understanding of oneself and others, without losing one's own identity.

The therapeutic process supports the reduction of inner instability and the building of healthier patterns of connection.

Summary

• Normal narcissism is necessary for the formation of a stable Self and healthy relationships (Freud, Mahler, Kohut).

• Narcissistic personality disorder is characterised by fragile self-esteem, splitting, and limited empathy (Kernberg).

Psychotherapy supports the integration of the personality (a process in which the various experiences, feelings, and parts of the psyche are connected into a single stable sense of self), the strengthening of the Self, and the development of more adaptive relationships.

From healthy self-esteem to pathological narcissism

Narcissism is not necessarily a sign of personality disorder. In its healthy form, it is an important part of personality development and lies at the foundation of self-respect, confidence, and the capacity to build fulfilling relationships.

Problems arise when the sense of self-worth remains fragile and dependent on external recognition. In such cases, a person may experience difficulties with intimacy, empathy, and maintaining a stable sense of self-esteem.

Psychotherapy offers the opportunity for a deeper understanding of these processes and supports the building of a more cohesive Self, a more realistic sense of self-esteem, and more fulfilling relationships with others.

References

Freud, S. (1914). On narcissism: An introduction. In J. Strachey (Ed. & Trans.), The standard edition of the complete psychological works of Sigmund Freud (Vol. 14, pp. 67–102). London, England: Hogarth Press.

Фройд, А. [FREUD, A.] (2000). Егото и защитните механизми [The Ego and the Mechanisms of Defence]. София: Лик. [in Bulgarian]

Mahler, M., Pine, F., & Bergman, A. (1975). The psychological birth of the human infant: Symbiosis and individuation. New York, NY: Basic Books.

ROSENFELD, H. (1971). A Clinical Approach to the Psycho-Analytical Theory of the Life and Death Instincts: An Investigation into the Aggressive Aspects of Narcissism. International Journal of Psychoanalysis, 52, 169–178.

Тодоров, О. [TODOROV, O.] (2017). Разбиране и интерпретация в психоанализата [Understanding and Interpretation in Psychoanalysis]. София: Нов български университет. [in Bulgarian]

Kohut, H. (1971). The analysis of the self: A systematic approach to the psychoanalytic treatment of narcissistic personality disorders. New York, NY: International Universities Press.

Kohut, H. (1977). The restoration of the self. New York, NY: International Universities Press.

Kernberg, O. F. (1975). Borderline conditions and pathological narcissism. New York, NY: Jason Aronson.

Клайн, М. [KLEIN, M.] (2005). Любов, завист, благодарност [Love, Envy and Gratitude]. София: Лик. [in Bulgarian]