ЕМОУШЪНЪЛ КОНСУЛТ
Narcissism From Within: The Difference Between Healthy Self-Esteem and a Pathological Self
Narcissism: From Normal Development to Borderline Narcissistic Disorder
Are you tired of articles with sensational headlines such as "How to recognise if you're in a relationship with a narcissist?", "The narcissistic personality — its impact on others", "Symptoms of the narcissistic personality" — all kinds of texts that leave you feeling as though every other person has narcissistic personality disorder?
Narcissism is, in fact, a natural part of human development, because we all need a sense of self-worth, confidence, and recognition. As Sigmund Freud noted, narcissism is the foundation of early psychological development — a phase in which the libido (the energy associated with the drive toward intimacy and creativity) is directed toward the self before interest in other people develops (Freud, 1914).
Sometimes, however, this phase becomes distorted and leads to fragile self-esteem, dependence on external validation, and difficulties in relationships. Distinguishing between normal and pathological narcissism is important both for psychotherapy and for personal development.
Normal Narcissism: The Foundation of a Healthy Self
Psychoanalysts such as S. Freud and M. Klein describe the early infantile narcissistic phase as a natural and adaptive stage of development, characterised by:
Focus on the self: The infant experiences pleasure from its own actions and sensations — sucking, moving, first attempts at independence. This is a stage in which the child experiences itself as whole before distinguishing itself from the other (Klein, 1932).
Formation of the primary self: This phase lays the groundwork for self-respect and psychological integrity, creating a stable framework for the later construction of identity (the set of personal characteristics, social roles, and values that shape how a person understands themselves and positions themselves in society).
Object relations: Gradually the child begins to distinguish itself from significant others (objects). Early bonds (object relations) shape its capacity to build a stable sense of self-worth and autonomy. Margaret Mahler emphasises the importance of the separation–individuation process, through which the child develops an autonomous identity while maintaining a secure bond with the mother as a supportive object (Mahler, 1975).
This phase is necessary and adaptive — it provides psychological stability and preparation for realistic relationships in later life.
The Role of Mirroring and Idealised Objects
Heinz Kohut extends the understanding of narcissism by viewing it not as egocentricity but as a key stage in the construction of a stable and adaptive self. According to him, narcissism is foundational to mental health because, through specific relationships, the child builds a sense of worth and wholeness (Kohut, 1971).
He describes two primary mechanisms:
1. Mirroring
The child needs significant others to reflect its achievements and capabilities.
Adequate "mirroring" involves recognition and positive feedback.
In the absence of such reflection, a fragile self develops that constantly seeks external validation (Kohut, 1977).
Through mirroring, self-respect and inner stability are built.
2. Idealisation of the Object
The child idealises significant figures and experiences them as powerful and capable of protecting it.
Through this process a sense of security and support is formed.
Over time these qualities are integrated into the self as internal resources.
Adequate idealisation supports the development of resilience, empathy, and the capacity for reciprocity.
Significance for Mental Health
When the needs for mirroring and idealisation are met, a cohesive and stable self is formed. It:
Sustains realistic empathy.
Allows for easier adaptation in social interactions.
Provides inner confidence without dependence on constant external approval.
Kohut emphasises that narcissistic energy in childhood is a resource, not a pathology. In a sufficiently supportive environment it transforms into stable self-esteem and healthy relationships; when deficient, a fragile self and pathological forms of narcissistic functioning emerge (Kohut, 1977).
Borderline Narcissistic Type: When Narcissism Becomes a Difficulty
Otto Kernberg describes pathological narcissism as a condition in which the mechanisms that support the self become distorted and lead to personality difficulties (Kernberg, 1975). Instead of stable self-esteem and healthy relationships, chronic conflicts, emotional instability, and difficulties with intimacy are observed.
Key Characteristics
Fragile, dependent self-esteem — Self-worth depends on external attention and admiration. The absence of recognition can trigger intense anxiety, anger, or a sense of emptiness.
Splitting — Others are perceived as either "all good" or "all bad". This black-and-white perspective leads to unstable relationships and frequent disappointments.
Idealisation and devaluation — There is a rapid shift from idealisation to devaluation, especially under frustration (tension and dissatisfaction). This mechanism protects the vulnerable self.
Limited empathy — Others are frequently experienced as a means of maintaining one's own sense of worth, which impairs reciprocity and deepens interpersonal conflicts.
Kernberg emphasises that this is not a matter of "bad character" but a structural organisation of the personality that requires specific therapeutic work — the integration of split self-images and images of others, and the development of more realistic relationships.
How Psychotherapy Can Help
Psychotherapy provides a space for:
Building a more stable self — developing inner supports, autonomy, and durable self-respect.
Awareness of and working through defence mechanisms — overcoming splitting and polarised perceptions.
Developing empathy and reciprocity — a more realistic understanding of self and others without losing one's own identity.
The therapeutic process helps reduce inner instability and build healthier patterns of relating.
Summary
Normal narcissism is necessary for the formation of a stable self and healthy relationships (Freud, Mahler, Kohut).
Narcissistic personality disorder is characterised by fragile self-esteem, splitting, and limited empathy (Kernberg).
Psychotherapy supports personality integration (the process by which different experiences, feelings, and parts of the psyche come together into a stable sense of self), the strengthening of the self, and the development of more adaptive relationships.
References
Freud, S. (1914). On narcissism: An introduction. In J. Strachey (Ed. & Trans.), The standard edition of the complete psychological works of Sigmund Freud (Vol. 14, pp. 67–102). London, England: Hogarth Press.
Freud, A. (2000). The Ego and the Mechanisms of Defence. Sofia: Lik.
Mahler, M., Pine, F., & Bergman, A. (1975). The psychological birth of the human infant: Symbiosis and individuation. New York, NY: Basic Books.
Rosenfeld, H. (1971). A Clinical Approach to the Psycho-Analytical Theory of the Life and Death Instincts: An Investigation into the Aggressive Aspects of Narcissism. International Journal of Psychoanalysis, 52, 169–178.
Todorov, O. (2017). Understanding and Interpretation in Psychoanalysis. Sofia: New Bulgarian University.
Kohut, H. (1971). The analysis of the self: A systematic approach to the psychoanalytic treatment of narcissistic personality disorders. New York, NY: International Universities Press.
Kohut, H. (1977). The restoration of the self. New York, NY: International Universities Press.
Kernberg, O. F. (1975). Borderline conditions and pathological narcissism. New York, NY: Jason Aronson.