There is a great deal of literature on the physical and cognitive development of children, but the emotional development of the child and its significance for future confidence, independence, and mental health is rarely discussed. For example: at one year old, a child may be able to say a few words and attempt to walk independently; at two, they use simple sentences and talk about themselves; at three, they separate from their parents relatively easily, and so on. But what is often missing from this literature? Emotional development — how the little person moves through these stages, what feelings they experience, and what we, as parents, can do to help them grow into a mature, confident, and well-rounded individual. An individual who respects themselves and others, possesses the ability to create a harmonious family, and raise a healthy and happy child.

What Is the Emotional Development of the Child?

You have probably come across plenty of dry and tedious literature — accurate, but heavy to read. Who needs to struggle through tiresome texts? That is why we present an excerpt from a dialogue between Robin Skynner — a group and family psychotherapist — and John Cleese, published in the book Families and How to Survive Them.

Stages of Emotional Development in Childhood

This conversation offers a practical and accessible understanding of the stages of a child's emotional development:

Robin: Think of life as a series of stages we need to pass through. As we pass through each stage, we learn certain lessons. It seems we need to learn the lessons of a given stage before we can move on to the next.

John: Give me an example of one of the earlier stages.

Love and Secure Attachment in Early Childhood

Robin: While we are very young, we all need constant love and care that can be relied upon. In childhood, the mother usually takes on the most significant role.

John: And what follows from that?

Robin: If our mother was not able to provide proper care, we ourselves do not learn how to care for others.

John: Really?

Robin: Yes. If we have not received enough kindness and affection, we will have nothing to pass on to others.

John: The use of the word "learn" is strange.

Robin: Most learning is not conscious. In childhood, learning is copying — a person is shaped by the model of others, primarily by parents. If you do not receive certain knowledge, it will be difficult for you to pass it on to others later.

John: What is the next stage?

Independence, Boundaries, and Self-Discipline

Robin: When we begin to acquire independence and will, we need benevolent firmness and parental control. The father becomes especially important.

John: From which we learn…?

Robin: Self-discipline. Without it, we would not be able to have normal relationships with authority. If we ever take on a position requiring authority, we may swing between weakness and tyranny if we did not receive proper support in childhood.

John: And if the parents exercised authority with love and firmness?

Robin: Then a person will know how to take counsel, make decisions, and change their position when needed.

John: Give me an example of another stage.

Social Skills and Relationships with Peers

Robin: Later on, we need brothers, sisters, or friends to learn to share, to cope with chaos, to stand up for ourselves. The "solitary" child or the eldest, without competition, often does not learn these lessons and encounters difficulties later on.

John: I am an only child and I have unresolved moments from this stage. In upper school I was bullied and did not know how to socialize.

Contact with the Opposite Sex and Emotional Maturity

Robin: So you learned the lessons, albeit later. The next stage is contact with the opposite sex. Children deprived of it may feel insecure in their relationships as adults.

John: The conversation is becoming autobiographical. I went through private schools and discovered that "girls come from another galaxy."

Robin: Lack of contact with the opposite sex during maturation can give rise to unrealistic expectations. The next stage is independence from parents and the building of a social circle of peers. If this is lacking, people cling to their parents and find it difficult to build real connections.

John: So the lessons need to be learned at each stage. And if you miss something?

Robin: It is not fatal. You can go through the stage later and learn the lessons by seeking substitutes or support from other significant people.

From Childhood Experiences to a Mature Inner World

Emotional development is not determined solely by age or acquired skills. It is a process in which the child gradually builds the ability to trust themselves, understand their feelings, and create fulfilling relationships with others.

The role of parents is not to protect the child from every difficulty, but to help them navigate through it with a sense of security, understanding, and support. It is through these experiences that self-esteem, emotional resilience, and the capacity for closeness are formed.

Every age brings its own challenges and lessons, but attention to the child's emotional world remains one of the most valuable investments in their future. Because a confident and mature individual is built not only through knowledge and achievements, but through experienced love, acceptance, and the opportunity to be themselves.

How Parents Can Support the Emotional Development of Their Child

Recall your own fears and difficulties in childhood, dear parents. Raising a child is not easy, but it is a beautiful experience that takes you back to games with Winnie-the-Pooh, Pippi, and Karlsson, to the childlike desire for life and the eagerness for the next exciting day. Do not underestimate your children's difficulties — what may seem insignificant to adults can be an enormous emotional lesson for a child. Attention, understanding, and emotional support are the foundation for the development of a successful, confident, and well-rounded individual.

References

1. Skinner, R., & Cleese, J. (2006). Семейството и как да оцелеем в него. Sofia: Ciela.

2. Piaget, J. (1952). The origins of intelligence in children. New York: International Universities Press.

3. Erikson, E. H. (1963). Childhood and society. New York: W. W. Norton & Company.