There is a great deal of literature about child development and what happens at the various stages of growth. But what is often missing? Emotional development — how the little person moves through these stages, what feelings they experience, and what we, as parents, can do to help them grow into a mature, confident, and well-rounded individual.

That is why we are sharing an excerpt from a dialogue between Robin Skinner — a group and family psychotherapist — and John Cleese, published in the book Families and How to Survive Them:

Dialogue: Stages of Emotional Development

Robin: Think of life as a series of stages that we have to pass through. As we move through each stage, we learn certain lessons.

John: Give me an example of one of the earlier stages.

Robin: When we are very young, we all need constant, reliable love and care. In childhood, the mother usually takes on the most significant role.

Robin: If our mother was not able to provide adequate care, we ourselves do not learn how to care for others.

Robin: Most learning is not conscious. In childhood, learning is copying — a person is shaped by the example of others, primarily their parents.

Robin: When we begin to develop independence and willpower, we need firm but benevolent authority. The father becomes especially important. Self-discipline follows.

Robin: Later on, we need brothers, sisters, or friends to learn how to share, deal with chaos, and stand up for ourselves.

Robin: It is not fatal if you miss something. You can go through the stage later and learn the lessons by seeking substitutes or support from other significant people.

Recall your own fears and difficulties from childhood, dear parents. Raising a child is not easy, but it is a beautiful experience. Do not underestimate your children's difficulties — what seems trivial to an adult may be an enormous emotional lesson for a child. Attention, understanding, and emotional support are the foundation for the development of a successful, confident, and well-rounded person.

References

1. Skinner, R., & Cleese, J. (2006). Семейството и как да оцелеем в него. Sofia, Bulgaria: Ciela.
2. Piaget, J. (1952). The origins of intelligence in children. New York: International Universities Press.
3. Erikson, E. H. (1963). Childhood and society. New York: W. W. Norton & Company.